Teaching Relationships Can Change Minds!

This week’s guest post is by my good friend and colleague Cindy Stadel. Cindy hired me as the instructional designer to work with her team to develop the Road to Success curriculum for adults transitioning from prison back to their communities. Together we co-trained the first team of institution transition coordinators selected to implement the curriculum in each of the Oregon prisons.

In this post Cindy shares  heartening information about the brain's plasticity and ability to rewire itself, especially through positive relationships. Teachers and trainers will want to understand and utilize this knowledge to support transformational learning in their students and trainees. So grab a cup of coffee, put your feet up, and enjoy this informative post about the power of relationships to literally change our minds. Here’s Cindy...



I’ve had the wonderful experience of working with Tracy Schiffmann in developing the Road to Success curriculum for adults re-entering Oregon communities from prison. When Tracy graciously asked me to guest-author an article for her blog, I immediately thought of courses I’ve been taking at Portland State University that explore the brain-mind-relationship triangle, what UCLA’s Dan Siegel calls the “triangle of well-being.” The courses in Interpersonal Neurobiology have helped to radically reframe how I think about teaching, learning, and my relationships with others. Thank you, Tracy, for an opportunity to further reflect upon and share some of what I’m gleaning!

We sometimes use the words mind and brain interchangeably, but it’s helpful to distinguish them. The brain is a complex system that’s headquartered in our skull but has branches throughout our body. Feelings in our gut and heart, for example, involve neurons connected to the brain. There are about 100 billion neurons in the adult human brain, each with 7,000-10,000 synaptic connections to other neurons, creating 2 million miles of neural highways (Badenoch, 2008; Siegel, 1999).

For centuries scientists and philosophers have resisted defining mind—in effect saying, it should remain undefined. Our words psychology and psychiatry come from the Greek word psyche, meaning soul, and the mind has this sacred quality: When a person dies, the brain remains-- a visible hunk of flesh-- but the mind or soul is gone. We can think of the mind, then, as the process that regulates the flow of energy and information through the brain; the brain structures the flow (Siegel, 1999, 2010).

However, there is a third leg to the triangle: We share energy and information through relationships. How our brains wire is dependent upon our interactions with others.

Try this simple activity with a group: Carefully peel an orange or tangerine, slowly eat a segment of fruit in front of your group, then ask someone to describe when you’re experiencing. You’ll get a variety of responses—soft peel giving way to your fingers; sting of citric acid under the nails; sweet taste of fruit as you bite through the membrane; burst of juice in the mouth; perhaps hard crunch of a seed—but people will be able to describe your experience even though they are not experiencing it concurrently. How is this so?

Researchers have used brain scans to observe the parts of the macaque brain that are activated—that light up-- when a macaque monkey breaks open and eats a peanut. But what’s really interesting is the results they get when they do scans on the macaques who are watching their mate eat: The same parts of their brains light up as well. They seem to be experiencing the event along with their companion even though they have no peanuts. Researchers have identified what they now call mirror neurons in both the macaque and human brains. These cells can code the actions and intentions of other individuals, creating the basis for understanding the mental state of another (Iacoboni, 2007). Researchers think that mirror neurons help us develop empathy for others as well as allowing us to imitate and learn social behavior.

Baby brains come with billions of cells ready for activation, and the neurons are wired up in their interactions with caregivers. From the moment of birth, infants closely watch their primary caregiver, usually their mother or father. Again using brain scans, researchers see that what lights up in the parental brain lights up in the newborn brain. The caregiver’s emotions and intentions resonate and encode within the child, who is paying keen attention to the caregiver’s facial expressions (Badenoch, 2008). In one experiment involving a four-month old infant and her mother, the mother is instructed to sit facing the baby and, on signal, cease giving the infant any signals, verbal or non-verbal. The mother becomes completely still. At first the baby works hard to engage the non-responsive parent, smiling and cooing, but then she becomes agitated and angry. She may attempt to calm herself but after awhile, the infant gives up and withdraws, displaying a response akin to depression. (Siegel, 2010).  Research shows that the child’s emotional states develop to parallel and align with those of the caregivers. In those very early interactions, the child begins developing a sense of herself or himself. As we grow and interact with family members and others close to us, we gather them into our inner community. Their emotional response towards us-- and later their words—become encoded within us, shaping our sense of who we are and how the world works (Badenoch, 2008).

As humans, we are extremely important to one another. Those we’ve connected with, from infancy on, have helped to shape our brains and have become part of our inner community. But many—if not most-- of us have not always had supportive, positive relationships. For example, we might have members of our inner community who tell us we’re stupid, we’ll never learn, we’ll never amount to anything. In short, we are struggling with some of our wiring, wiring at deep levels that may produce fear, anxiety, depression or any number of other things.

The really good news is that our brains are continuously changing, generating new neurons, forming new connections though a process called neuroplasticity, a process we now know continues throughout adulthood (Siegel, 2010). With this neuroplasticity, then, comes the opportunity to modify or re-wire painful or frightening experiences from the past. We have the opportunity to become healthier in both our personal and our interpersonal lives. And we do this through caring relationships with one another-- through play, through loving family encounters, through therapy and education. Indeed, the quality of our relationships as we conduct our teaching and training is as transformative as the subject matter itself.

We recently had a guest speaker in our Road to Success class, a janitor with a long criminal history who has been actively working on recovery from substance use and criminality. John talked about changes he has had to make in on-the-job situations, situations that in the past would have prompted entirely different actions. He said he walked into work the other day and his supervisor failed to acknowledge him. In the past, he would have interpreted this as a lack of respect, triggering anger. He would have told her off (“I don’t have to take this shit!”) and quit. Now, he said, he considers that she may have other things on her mind; indeed, she herself may be having a rough day. He gives her space and initiates conversation with her later.

We have no access to expensive brain scans that would document John’s neural re-wiring, but his story is evidence of deep inner change. It gives those of us who listen with rapt attention hope. Indeed, watching and listening to John is likely kindling our own mirror neurons—and nurturing the power to change within each of us.

To learn more about the neuroscience of mental health, check out the Google lecture by Dan Siegel.


References and Resources
Badenoch B. (2008). Being a brain-wise therapist: A practical guide to interpersonal neurobiology. New      York:W.W. Norton & Company.

Iacoboni, M. (2007). Face to face: The neural basis of social mirroring and empathy. Psychiatric Annals, 37(4), 236-241.

Siegel, D. (1999). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. New York: Guilford Press.

Siegel, D. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. New York: Random House.

Cindy has worked for the past 20 years developing and managing education programs for adults in the criminal justice system.

Currently she works as a consultant to non-profit organizations, assisting with grant writing, planning and program development. With a master’s degree in communications with a focus on adult literacy, Cindy is currently working on a doctorate in educational leadership at Portland State University.

For consulting inquiries please contact Cindy at  cstadel@hevanet.com